Words of Condolence

The Condolences shared here are written by friends of Stephan or quoted from others who have found words that explain or comfort.

  • Facing the third anniversary of Stephan's death (so difficult to type that word), the loss still knocks the wind out of me. I have come home to Sunol and Pleasanton after seven years in Sebastopol and I've been here for four months tomorrow. Being in "Stephan Territory" brings a fresh sting to my sorrow. Spending time with Neil and David has been a gift and I thank them so much for helping me get acclimated to a Sunol without Stephan. I'm not sure why, but this year, the images of him are so strong for us. Maybe enough time has passed that the possibilities in moving on are beckoning, and our hearts are taking a stand. No worries, hearts, we may breathe life back into our lives, but we'll never forget Stephan. Just picture him, and a memory will spring forward. The songs that remind us of him always will. The holidays will always bring out Stephan Stories. We miss you, sweetheart, so much. I miss you so much. And yet, I feel the corners of my mouth twitching into a smile. Your specialty. Rest in peace, dear one, and know you will always be beloved.

  • November 29th...

    Tonight I am wearing your "Boston University" sweatshirt - though I always feel you with and around me - wearing your sweatshirt brings me added comfort when I am thinking about you.

    I have spent a good portion of today wishing I could "turn back the hands of Time..."

    But I cannot, nobody can. Painful as it is, we have individually found our ways of going on with our lives. I'm sure that many feel as I do, that we do so with a "void" and that void my friend, is you.

    How we wish we can share again with you, moments of silliness and playfulness. I sometimes feel I have lost that great sense of playfulness that you so easily brought out in me.

    I was in Twain Harte this past weekend and sat in "your recliner." I'll always remember (as I'm sure Sue Marshall will) you sleeping there so comfortably. Sue and I marveled at how peacefully the most energetic man we both knew, rested. Actually, you were just rejuvenating yourself for the next day - so that you could make us all laugh and entertain us!

    Speaking of entertaining... I think I continue to do Repertory Theatre as a tribute to you. (I just wish you would send me some of your talent!!) As we hold our auditions December 10th, I will find myself thinking about you and wishing you were there with us. One thing I know for sure Stephan, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE CENTER STAGE!! (If you don't believe me, ask Nancy Davis.... :)

    I love you Stephan, I miss you -

  • Tomorrow is the two-year anniversary of Stephan's passing...how can that be so? And how can it be that time has its own experiential space, in which some days, weeks, months feel like years and years, and other years seem like days gone by in a flash? Grief and joy so color our experience of the passage of time...and today the whiz of time flying by and the screech of time's brakes collide, and I am all at once in a moment that seems millenia ago, and in it, Stephan is dancing his mom around the cabin in Maine, and I am laughing and taking pictures. Other such moments pop into my mind, so many photographs turned into a slide show in my head, spinning up the tales that caption them. And yet time stands still and I have no defenses against the losses that are, for these minutes, acute and aflame with sorrow and fury. It has not been a great year for me. I am rootless in a way I have not been since my 20s, and oh, how long ago that was! But I must hang on to the perfection that is the love among my friends and family and me. My beautiful daughter just drove off for her trip back to Santa Monica after a week in the Bay Area. She and her 4 mo. old puppy filled my little cottage with giggles and fun and love. I am grateful beyond words for that, for you, and always, for our Stephan.

  • The calendar moves us out of a holiday weekend and into recognition that five months ago today, we learned that our worst fears for Stephan were actualized. The fact that he actually left us forever the day he disappeared at the end of November never softens the feeling of loss that comes to me on the 6th of each month, for that is the day all hope was dashed and the truth had to be faced.

    I look into the face in the pictures on this site and the ones I have here at home, and it is still unimaginable to me that I cannot see my special brother, friend and co-conspirator in silliness. To keep on saying I miss him does not even glance a blow at the depth of my sorrow.

    To Nancy, Ed, Neil, Pat, Solveig, Lori, Michael...and the many, many people I know and do not know who loved our Stephan, we are connected in heart and spirit and the love, support and strength among us is so much more than any of us alone can muster. Let's always remember that not one of us is alone in this grieving. And that it will not lightly slip away and give us normal days and nights, hopefully, someday Stephan's love from wherever he is, and the care and peace we
    offer one another, will eventually give us back some sense of it being okay to be here without him...a feeling I know is a long way off.

    For now, know that I send you my love, support and wishes for peace in your hearts. Somewhere, Stephan is enjoying the summer sun and working on his tan. I wish I could bring him a cool drink and a cookie. But maybe, where he is, there are all the comforts he needs and he is happy to know there is so much love still here on this earth, vibrating through the universe to him. So, have a good summer day...eat some watermelon, fly a kite, play with children and dogs...and he will be there.

    Much love,

  • When I was growing up I was unaware what "gay" was. I was friends with Summer and Kelly and Paige were the ladies of the house, and Steve was the well built, cute guy that lived down the street that tanned at the pool. As I grew up and learned about gay and straight I could NOT have asked for greater role models! The last I spoke to Steve was in Home Depot when he was buying new skylights for the club house, and I asked if the clubhouse would be ready for my wedding recept. Steve with a twinkle in his eye said "of course it will hun, your a canyon kid , it will be done in time for YOU". I told him he better show up and party with us or he'd get a spanking. I gave him a hug and kiss, he made me feel very special, I miss that. we luv u Neil

  • Dear Nancy, Ed, Michael, Neil, Danny, Susan, David, and all of Stephen's family and friends,

    I cannot seem to find the words to express my sadness at the loss of Stephen.

    I have known him for, it would be 30 years this July, and, although we hadn't had much communication over the past few years, I knew he was off doing what he wanted, his way. Making people smile, and just being Stephen. I remember he used to call me "Rags" because I always wore ripped, or shredded blue jeans or, in summer, cutoffs. I always loved his sparkling blue eyes, big smile, and shining personality.
    The world is a lesser place without him.
    I will never forget the times we shared.
    I know he is with God, the Angels, and his brother Bill, and even Heaven is improved by his presence there. I know you too are sure of this, but I realize this knowledge can never diminish his loss or your grief.

    Farewell, Stephen, and walk with the Almighty. Your work here is done, and we will be forever grateful and so much the better for knowing you. May the love of all your friends and family lift you, hold you close, and give you everlasting peace.

  • I was very saddened to hear of Steve's passing. He made an effort to welcome me when I moved to Sunol, and he remained a pleasant and honest acquaintance. I know he did a lot for KWA, too. I will remember him with fondness.

  • To the family:
    Your son was a treasure to us personally and to the community of Sunol. Stephan lit up the world. His talent and creativity were remarkable. Now and then one has the good fortune of meeting someone who has such a positive impact on everyone he encounters...Stephan Doyle was one of those special people. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to share our feelings and to have had the joy of knowing Stephan.

  • So sorry neil,mar,dad,dan,david and to all of his friends. We will all miss him deeply. Hoping his big brother bill was there waiting for him when he passed. They got along great.

  • I am so saddened by the recent news, I barely got to know Steve over my past 5 years back in the canyon. Every encounter with Steve left me laughing, he was such a character, and genuine fellow. I have to wonder how we will all get along without him. Hang in there Neil, we all love and are saying prayers for you.